Wednesday, March 3, 2004
]*Today is the 3rd day of the third month. Last year, it was of the 3rd year (in the new millenium). At 3:33PM, all shall suffer the wrath of "THREE-OF-A-KIND"!!!!!! * [ I apologize for today, as it was once a special day, but right now I can only recall bad things about it]
Tuesday, March 2, 2004
]*THEY FRAMED ME I TELL YOU.... THOSE ARE TOTALLY NOT MINE... I SWEAR... I... WHAT? YOU THINK I HAVE A RABBIT IN A HAT WITH A BAT? Oh... that does feel good... *
Monday, March 1, 2004
]*Plastic mice can still make a comeback if you allow them to dance around like little ninny-poops wearing magenta dresses and yellow shoes. Oh, the nasal issues that shall ensue when you open the back door and enter a large room filled with devil pigs that looks mysteriously like Abraham Lincoln... My pinky really hurts... Today is the kind of day where you feel like you are ready for the day and want to take on everyone. The kind of day where you want to whip out your special equipment and upgrade so you can enter the Sacred Realm and collect the Warm Triangle. How magnificent your unit shall feel after being knocked off of your super chair. *
Sunday, February 29, 2004
]*Today is an extra day. This day should not exist, but it indeed does. This is a day to reflect on what really matters. Like the fact that Yoda is actually just a midget that shrunk when he had too much to drink. The fact that the Jackson family is not real. They are part of the Matrix. The fact that you spent a night in Paris, all alone. And finally, the fact that there is a bunch of words that start with letters that other words start with. *
Saturday, February 28, 2004
]*Today is the day, for the sleep over. You should've planned ahead before you went out and bought all those CERES manga, because now you have to buy the DVD's and realize just how stupid you are. Only elven folk can save you now, but they are busy in various other anime, so they can't help you. This is what happens when you feed creampuffs to the orange people. *
Friday, February 27, 2004
]*As great as "hentai" is, why play a hentai video game? Like really? Text-based games starring cute girls that reveal themselves just isn't cool anymore. Now it's all about the Toilet simulator games where you can get the toilet to flush, open the lid, and fix it when it breaks. FUN FUN FUN! Although nothing compared to the CLOUD REALITY SIMULATOR [Nimbus no Caka], Toilet Sims are the new wave and its fanbase is ever growing. Doesn't feel random enough, does it? *
Thursday, February 26, 2004
]*SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! This mini-sentence is an alternative for using the "F-Bomb" or "F-word" as if people don't know what you mean. Saying "Shut the front door!" to someone with the clear intention of being offensive will result in one of two reactions. One, the person will look at you funny and not see your point. This person is to be shot when you gather enough pixie dust. Two, the person will register in their mind "He meant 'Shut the f--- up!'" and thusly, you will have ruined your plan all along, which was already contradicted by the plan itself. This folks, is why morality is stupid. *
Wenesday, February 25, 2004
]*Geometric Proofs are the most unimportant things in the entire world. They only teach you how to make other people sit down and ponder on their life's worth. While a nice power to have, it isn't worth the time, the brain cells, or the exploding muscles. *
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
]*Placing an inanimate object into the over, covered in a slender, oily vacuum is the only way to ensure the fall of an evil corporation trying to take over the world using beanie babies (not those from Ty, they already tried and failed. Now only old people and little kids buy into their cheap excuse for domination). The liquid found within a red pen is equally matched with the power your thumb can produce when being cut off with a ruler. *
Monday, February 23, 2004
]*Sanity can drift in many ways. It can go through emotions, it can go left, right, straight, backwards. Hell, a shirt told me that penguins take it too. Sanity is taken too seriously. An insane person really opens up the mind, allowing you to think outside the box, since they wandered so far away from it. Girl Scout cookies are what we should REALLY be afraid of. Nobody knows what is in those things... I mean... they're made by evil leech-like dog-monkeys (the kind with EXTRA fur). *
Sunday, February 22, 2004
]*Today is your real test with life. If you can comprehend the power that exists in a 5 watt lightbulb, you have failed as a parent and a child. You bring shame to the Yogi Bear name. I can't believe you are on this site! YOU ARE SUCH A MEAN PERSON... it makes me want to hug you... really... *
Saturday, February 21, 2004
]*Do not let things that offend others stop you from being yourself. Those things make you you and make me a woman with small breasts. When you offened, take pride. You've done something right. Now you can sleep in assurance that one less person will be in school next week. *
Friday, February 20, 2004
]*You should always restate things you say atleast 20 times throughout the day. Whether to someone (more than once), to various people, yourself, or just pretending people can't hear you so you can say it again. It gives people the sense that you are still alive. It also reduces your chances of getting too many friends. Having too many is disasterous, especially when you have only one ball. *
Thursday, February 19, 2004
]* If someone died in your arms tonight, you can safely bet that your life has been blessed by someone home alone hosting an online journal site where you can post song lyrics that you misinterpreted as your own life (making you think you actually connect with a band... ha, I shun you). Make sure to avoid annoying all Pisces today because it is probably that fat chick that you somehow used to go out, just trying to bitch at you for breaking up with her (even though she did it because she thought she was cooler than you. OH THE IRON...Y).*
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
]* Beep Beep.... Beep Beep...*
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
]* Looks like another fine day for appliances to fall off of high shelves. If you're a supremist, you probably through your KISS albums at the neighbor's cat regularly by now, but it wasn't always this day. In the land before time, dinosaurs played hide-and-go-seek with each other after they found out that they lived amongst aliens (but that would be telling... wouldn't it?).*
Monday, February 16, 2004
]* Something fishy this way comes, and I don't mean the creature from down below. I'm talking about acronyms! What are they? Where did they come from? And how did they get such nice pants? It was all because of Scientific studies in Quebec. This wonderous continent in Australia Factorial (land of the "dude, why in bed?") is filled with perfectly nuzzled cousins of your children (whom they will grow to love intimately).*
Sunday, February 15, 2004
]*Sundays are nice days to relax and think about how to dress yourself. That's right! Spend the entire day deciding, because you have nothing better to do. This can help lower your cholesterol. Spread the fun, or have fun in the sun because Hairy Gopher is coming to YOUR town this Halthemberatricktine's Day Eve of July. Clear out your room and get ready for the industrial presents left behind by the gopher!*
Saturday, February 14, 2004
]*Valentine's Day is a wonderous day. One of two things will happen to you today. One, you will spend time with your lover, hoping to impress them to the point where you'll have a nice evening in the bed... or Two, you will end up looking at other couples and moping around because you are depressed by the fact that nobody loves you. Just because nobody loves you, doesn't mean you have to mope around and be "bleh". Take today as a day to sit down and utilize your creative skills and implement them into drawing sad anime girls. That should cure your amnesia immediately. Oh, and the alternate reaction to today is just not caring, which is your safest option to begin with. *
Friday, February 13, 2004
]* Friday the Thirteenth. Whatever makes Friday the 13th such an unlucky day (as opposed to THURSDAY the 13th or Sunday the 13th...even Wednesday the 13th) is beyond me. Camp Crystal Lake is owned by brown eggrolls living under the skin of a dead rival of yours who wants his pants back (you borrowed them last Christmas...remember?). This day can cause your nerve endings to grow out and consume your teeth, but that's highly unlikely, provided you are a virgin.*
Thursday, February 12, 2004
]* Today is yesterday's tomorrow and tomorrow's yesterday. That is truly an interesting quote, because it is incorrect. In all honesty, "tomorrow" is today... as is yesterday... last week... and next year. Secretly, this is all one really long "day" that is only broken up by a full revolution of the planet, whereas it really isn't any kind of change. Time is just an imaginary element created by man to be able to recall things and other things as such. I don't know what I am talking about.*
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
]*Don't forget to rinse your mouth with organelles. If that is how you spell that word, then it is probable that the letter "Y" does not exist in the Jeranglish language (only spoken by Japanese-German-Spanish-English kids that live in that sectioned off corner of Thailand). Since today is HUMP DAY, it is advised that you follow your orders and give people what they want. They may be too shy to use an adhesive bandage.*
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
]*An essay should be evaluated on how well the student carries through on each of the above listed parts. If you've ever seen that sentence before, it is obvious that you are a young man on a journey to Florida to harvest dictators and sludge. Remember that a cyan fire ant is good luck, for they will allow you to sing songs that are languages you've never even heard of... all with the click of a button and the slap of an artificially shaped ass.*
Monday, February 9, 2004
]*The color purple has been a topic of conversations for a long time now. It is not a thing to be taken lightly. Make sure to stay as far away from Omoikane, the super computer on the Nadesico (martian successor, as opposed to predecessor). There are always enough Vampire Hunters to last a lifetime, but VH's A, B and C are dead, while E through Z are Missing In Action. It's quite ineresting that only FOUR are yours. Speakers. Oh yes.*
Sunday, February 8, 2004
]*The rapid clicking of buttons is a very soothing sound, yes. It makes the cows implode to a greater extent than usual. The one thing that indeed prevents your eyeballs from inflating into a grey dust is the amount of effort placed into your left limbs. These objects are controlled by the central control tower in North Virginia. The towel is always ravaged with a darker lightness.*
Saturday, February 7, 2004
]*Now that the sun has turned Green, it is no longer possible for the mice to migrate East for the spring. This could very well destroy the order of the numbers in fast food places. Duct tape can become your best friend in these kind of situations. Why is that? Because you can dance around like a fool and not feel any regret toward the chillingly smelly rocks that were left in the back of the bus. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you are stupid, because they are probably right, and that could be very offensive.*
Friday, February 6, 2004
]*Thank Goats it's Freitag! Since today is one of those days (you know what day...) you are more prone to accidents that occur in the sky. This awkward erection makes metal shields of spinning dry rain to fall upon you, rendering you motionless, open to attack by any jail bait left in your basement. There is a time and a place for everything, and that is everytime and everyplace. Enjoy your weekend.*
Thursday, February 5, 2004
]*The first one is doing the ground. Moving the sun is a really hard thing to accomplish. The only way you can do it is with a yellow SKITTLES candy. This is true because when Science is the essence, the darkness keeps on coming and killing containers. This is totally why you need to carry around an extra wallet.*
Wednesday, February 4, 2004
]*Now that it is the middle of the week, you should begin planning your future in the Rock Dancing Industry. Make sure to carry bags of unsharpened pencils with you. Snowmen can take you to the center of the earth when you're unaware of your surroundings. This random string of events will eventually prove worthy to your own home appliances, if wisely connected to dark legions of the daytime soap operas. This is the time to enter the sacred place!*
Tuesday, February 3, 2004
]*Tangent is a cool word. Since today is the Day of Fig.136, you should rub baby oil all over your body and then pour salt in your eyes. This will increase your ability to combust on command (thus no longer spontaneous). It's all about the green shirts with orange circles on them. These illuminating creatures can cause horrific bowel movements after eating a jelly doughnut.*
Monday, February 2, 2004
]*School again and a day of anger for Garfield yet again. This is a day where you feel tired and have no sense of awareness unless you've been writing all weekend. If you are not currently in a relationship, expect one to appear to come to you soon, only to find out that you're just wasting time on them. They don't really like you. In their opinion, you are a complete and total loser (which means that mud is a good substitute for a girlfriend/boyfriend. It knows pleasure like a dog with rabies knows its master). For future reference, the reason you get a funny toothbrush from the dentist is because it reduces the chance of squirrels climbing under your pinky nail.*
Sunday, February 1, 2004
]*If you happen to be an Aquarius, then your birthday has either obviously passed or is coming up soon. On this day, most Aquarius find themselves to be naked in a room full of deranged and oddly shaped napkins. If this isn't true for you, then you're one of the lucky few who are really a Capricorn and your parents lied to you as you grew up (meaning they don't love you). When you find a secret in the nose, you know that you've been had, because there is no secret in the nose. It's in the rock.*
Saturday, January 31, 2004
]*Always remember that Russian doctors that speak perfect English in old video games build their robots out of crappy parts and often like the color red. This is proven by Dr. Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog) and Dr. Cossack (Megaman). If a Russian doctor claiming to star in an old video game wants to build a robot or other kind of appliance for you, decline. There is no good to come from that decision. Beware dark spots in your pants.*
Friday, January 30, 2004
]*You're being watched by Lord of the Rings fans. They are hiding behind every corner. Unless The Hobbit is made into a ultra-cool movie, they will have nothing to thrive off of until LotR:RtoK comes out on the Special Edition Extended Version Super Maximum �ber DVD. To escape from these D&D menaces, you have to make sure you have enough Mana to make a pool to surround yourself in. With enough Mana, you might escape the reaches of the Ring Fans.*
Thursday, January 29, 2004
]*Spending your entire life with a shaved lemon will lower Defense and raise your Attack. For the rest of your life, you should pronounce all internet slang the way it is written. This means that "lol" is now pronounced "lowl"instead of "ell oh ell" and "OMG" is now "ahhmguh" or "ohmguh". Today, Scorpios will be prone to having a bad omen fall over them. Today is not your day. You're better off climbing inside an artificial womb and crying for the next two days.*
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
]*When a random person that lives in your eyeball tells you to instantiate your mud, you know that you have done something right in life. This means that you will get a "chain e-mail" telling you to send it to 15 people and the one you love will secretly like you. Yes, that's right. The emotions of others are controlled by chain letters. When you get this letter, make sure not to send it to anyone. If you do, you will get consumed by a gelatinous monster.*
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
]*There might be a rabid owl headed in your general direction today if you made a bad choice in the past. While you might be thinking about your loved ones today, they're not worthy of your happy erect steel pole. Keeping two naked mole rats in each "ass-pocket" will allow for a disturbingly pink shovel to find its way into our dimension. This is good for those of you under the sign of Aquarius and Cancer because the shovel cures the "Water Disease" that plagues mermaids.*
Monday, January 26, 2004
]*Today is a day of great reason. You should make sure that you cover yourself in salami to prepare for an upcoming surprise headed your way. With the moon of death sliding into the atmosphere, it is certain that the sound of a dying ostrich will burst your eyes out of your sockets, meaning that the eternal loop has completed itself for the day.*
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